Big City Blues

I live in New York but I’m not always happy here. I mean, it’s a pretty impressive city but sometimes you just want to be alone for five minutes.

I grew up in a small town in Virginia. All anyone talked about when we were growing up was getting out of that town. I guess everyone does that. And then, years later, when we’ve all left, does everyone nostalgically look back and pine for the good old days? I don’t know.

I remember when I was in middle school, I used to go hiking deep into the woods, a paperback copy of Stephen King’s The Stand under my arm. I would find a tree to lean against and read all afternoon, until the sunlight trickling through the leaves had faded to the point where I could no longer make out the words.

Peace and quiet was in such abundance then; here and now it’s practically a priceless commodity – actually an apt turn of phrase, since the only place in New York where you might be able to find it is in a museum. The more boring areas of the Met can be pretty isolated, I guess. I haven’t been there in a while, but there’s a famous painting hanging there that I have never forgotten even though it’s been years since I’ve seen it. The painting is called Heart of the Andes, by Frederic Church, and it’s a landscape of the Andes Mountains. The painting is enormous; it takes up a whole wall in the museum. Yet it’s crammed with such detail. You can see it online (link!), but this doesn’t even come remotely close to doing it justice. Unless you can look at it close up, you’ll never see all the details the artist painstakingly placed into the painting. I mean, I must have stared at it for half an hour that day, just taking everything in. It’s breathtaking.

Sometimes it’s nice to get away from the big city, in whatever way you can.

Not dead yet

So it’s been a while since my last post, but (a) no one reads this, so who cares, (b) I’ve been busy, and (c) I’ve finally pretty much gotten over the girl. Today would have been our two-year anniversary so I woke up with a little notice on my phone that I’d forgotten to delete reminding me of it. So I was a little sad for a bit this morning but bounced back pretty quickly. Lately whenever I start thinking about her I play this song, by Jason DeRulo:

Yeah, it’s stupid and all that but it has a catchy beat. I’m thinking about hitting up a club in that spiky jacket he’s wearing. I’m pretty sure the ladies would love that.

Then there’s this song, which I’ve been listening to recently:

Doesn’t really apply to my ex, as she was not a “gold digger” (hahaha I have no money) but what the hell. These days if I think about her I’m more likely to be angry than sad so this song helps out with that, plus, once again, it’s catchy. Although to be honest if I ever heard anyone say “fuck you” to her I would probably still punch them in their stupid face. The point is I like the song.

In other news, I’ve joined a creative writing group. We meet every two weeks in midtown and it’s really a great group of people. Very friendly, everyone has to read something they’ve written at each meeting, and then everyone goes around and offers constructive criticism. I like it because it’s more like hanging out with friends than attending some kind of workshop.

The bonus is that there is a cute girl in the group; she came to her first meeting the same week I came to mine, and we talked for a while before and after. I don’t really see that going anywhere, but it did get me to thinking: how long am I supposed to wait before I start dating again?

It’s been about three months since I got dumped. Is that long enough? I can honestly say that most days, I don’t think about her at all. On the other hand, I still have the picture of her I used to carry in my wallet. On the OTHER other hand, I’ve at least moved it out of my wallet and put it away in a drawer, and I haven’t even glanced at it in quite a while.

Anyway this is a tricky question. If I thought there was a chance that the ex might be coming back, I’d probably wait at least another three months. But I don’t think she is coming back, and I don’t even know any more if I would want to get back with her should she come back. I would definitely have the conversation, but I can see now that there are a lot of pros and cons that would have to be weighed in making a decision. So since my thinking is going the way it is, I guess I should act like she isn’t coming back, because it might not even matter if she did. In that case, when do I start dating again?

For right now I am going to say, if I have to think about it this hard, I’m not ready. But maybe the fact that I’m thinking about it at all means that I am at least getting there.

We’ll see!

We got to keep the devil down in the hole

In an effort to keep crime statistics low, police in Baltimore, Maryland, are persuading rape victims to retract their reports, according to an article that appeared in the Baltimore Sun on Sunday. Women are pressured by detectives, often in the emergency room immediately after the rapes have taken place. Sometimes they are told that they will be hooked up to lie detectors if they don’t retract their stories.

Rapes have dropped by more than 80% in Baltimore in the last six years, according to official statistics. They’ve dropped only 8% nationwide during the same period. Baltimore has the highest percentage of rape accusations deemed “unfounded” (meaning baseless and not warranting investigation) of any city in the country.

Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake ordered an audit of police procedures in investigating rapes after the Baltimore Sun contacted her aides about the story. Check out the article. It’s truly a depressing piece of journalism, and a surprisingly solid one from a newspaper that’s been pretty reliably terrible for a long time.

I haven’t paid enough attention to Baltimore politics recently to have formed much of an opinion of Mayor Rawlings-Blake, but the City Council is notorious for its corruption. The last mayor, Sheila Dixon, resigned after being indicted and prior to that her house and office were perennial targets of FBI raids.

Baltimore has an obscenely high crime rate, with the third-most murders per-capita of all major cities in the country. Homicides in Baltimore occur at nearly seven times the rate of the national average. Nearly a quarter of the population lives below the poverty line.

Yet Baltimore is also home to six Fortune 500 companies, some major academic institutions, and a Major League Baseball team (Go Orioles!). It has advantages that many cities don’t have, and yet Baltimore seems to be falling further and further behind the rest of the country.

I know there’s got to be a way to fix this – I don’t know what it is, but there must be a way. Something I have thought of before is, if I go to work in politics, to find a job in local politics in a place like Baltimore. I could get a job with a council member or something. Sooner or later, if I did this, I’d want to run for mayor myself, because, as I mentioned, politics in the city is notoriously corrupt and I imagine it would be difficult to get anything done unless I had the top job.

So, Sesame Street or mayor of Baltimore. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…

My name is you

Dream job number three: someone puts me in charge of restoring Sesame Street to its former glory. When I was growing up, the show was hip and slightly irreverent in a way that adults could appreciate, but always appropriate for children. It promoted good values and education. And today I realized, for the first time, that it was even ahead of its time. Check out this song, “My Name is You,” which first aired on Sesame Street in 1982. You have to listen close, but one of the kids mentions that he has two dads – long before homosexuality even began to be accepted in the United States. In fact, I’d bet that if those lyrics were included in a Sesame Street song today, conservative so-called “family values” folks would be up in arms.

Sadly, I’d also bet that the people running Sesame Street wouldn’t have the guts to let such lyrics on the air in 2010. The show used to be so good, but it’s compromised on just about everything. Even Cookie Monster now practices restraint, teaching children that cookies are a good “sometime food.” Really, Cookie Monster? Aren’t you supposed to represent unrestrained childhood id? I get that childhood obesity is a serious problem in this country, but I don’t think it’s your fault.

So, yeah, let me run the show. We can right this ship!

June is Gay Pride month

A little embarrassing that I didn’t know that until the 24th of the month, but I’m writing about it now so cut me some slack.

I could not believe more strongly in gay rights. The right to marry and to serve in our armed forces ought to be accorded to all American citizens, regardless of demographic. It looks like Don’t Ask Don’t Tell will be repealed around November, which is good news for everyone. And one by one, states are starting to acknowledge the right of gays and lesbians to marry, although there have been some setbacks along the way (California, get on board! Even Iowa’s beaten you to the punch!).

Ultimately I imagine it will be my generation (I’m 26, btw) that will push gay equality across the finish line. Even many of the most conservative young people in this country can’t see any justification for denying an entire group of people their civil rights. “It’s in the Bible” is finally starting to lose some of its power to win an argument, and that’s as it should be.

This is an issue that was particularly close to the heart of my ex, and her full-throated support of gay rights was yet another reason that I admired her.

So, it being Gay Pride month and all, what can we do to help advance the cause of gay rights? Well, as a veteran, I suggest donating to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. The SLDN describes itself as “a non-partisan, non-profit, legal services, watchdog and policy organization dedicated to ending discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” They provide free legal services to soldiers and their families who are affected by DADT. I can think of at least two soldiers I knew while I was in the Army who were gay. While neither of them suffered any harassment as they remained in the closet except to their close friends, they were good and soldiers who did their jobs well and were proud to serve their country. I can’t think of any reason why their country shouldn’t be proud of them – they should not have to hide who they are. Organizations like the SLDN are often the only support such soldiers have when they find themselves the target of military investigations into their sexuality.

There are, of course, any number of other ways to support gay rights if you can’t afford to donate money right now. For example, you could write your member of Congress and let him or her know that you support equality for all citizens. You could spend some of your time volunteering for a gay rights organization (there are a bunch, and probably some of them are in your area!). And there are probably a million other things that you could think of on your own.

Reasons

5 Reasons I’m okay with her being gone

1. I was never higher than fourth on her list of priorities. Her top three priorities were, not necessarily in this order, her family, her friends, and her job. I never ranked any higher than any of those things and she had no problem with letting me know it.

1a. Because of reason 1, roughly forty percent of the time I did get to spend with her involved helping her nurse the hangover she’d earned while out partying the night before with friends other than me. And nobody gets worse hangovers than she does.

2. She was too stubborn. Right or wrong, I don’t think she’s ever changed her mind on anything after making a decision.

3. Here’s a woman who spent 10 months in Belgium, the entire time on a college campus as part of a study abroad program, and has been convinced ever since that she is the country’s honorary ambassador to the United States.

3a. As a result of the above, whenever we went out to eat, all she ever wanted was Belgian food. Have you ever had Belgian food? It’s all either mussels or some kind of meat-based stew.

4. She was always making fun of the way I pronounce things. She was just kidding around but it didn’t feel all that great.

5. Seriously, those hangovers were killer.

5 Reasons I want her back

1. No one has ever made me laugh harder or more sincerely than she could.

2. She was incredibly stubborn. When she put her mind to a goal, there was no talking her out of it or convincing her that it couldn’t be done. Aside from the whole dumping me thing, it was often a pretty admirable quality.

3. She was brilliant. She is absolutely the smartest person I’ve ever met.

4. We had the most interesting conversations. She knew so much about such a broad range of topics, and always had something substantive and unique to add to the discussion. She was never at a loss for words, but at the same time she didn’t just talk to kill time. A “conversation” with her wasn’t just her talking; she always wanted to hear what the other person had to say as well.

5. She carries herself with all the grace and dignity of a member of some royal family. Even in uncomfortable or awkward situations, she always remained poised and kept her cool. In this way, and in others, she was not only a wonderful girlfriend and partner but someone I could look up to and try to emulate.

6. Bonus reason: oh my lord, she was beautiful. I wish I could put a picture of her on here but that is probably not a good idea. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

This is a song called “We are not as strong as we think we are,” by Rich Mullins, a Christian songwriter who was a favorite of mine back when I was religious. I still think his lyrics are pretty damn good. This is a song he wrote when his fiancee dumped him. Ignore the stupid Jesus picture, if you can. Just scroll up or down the page while the music plays.

Wanna buy five copies for my mother

Well, Gen. Stanley McChrystal has stepped in it now. A profile of him appears in the latest issue of “Rolling Stone” magazine, and holy cow, is there anybody in his chain of command he doesn’t trash? (Actually, there is – I noticed Defense Secretary Robert Gates is conspicuously exempted from the string of frat-boy style insults.) At various times throughout the piece, President Obama is called “disappointing,” Vice President Biden is called “Bite me” (I don’t get it either), National Security Adviser Jim Jones is “a clown,” Ambassador Karl Eikenberry is “one who covers his flank for the history books,” and special envoy Richard Holbrooke is “a wounded animal.”

I was in the Army on active duty for four years, and this sort of talk never would have been tolerated from anyone, about anyone – especially in the presence of a reporter. I’m not saying no one ever shit-talked the chain of command, but if it happened, it was done in a barracks room over drinks, and we were careful not to take those remarks or that attitude to work with us. Additionally, I was fairly low-ranking – I can honestly say that, whatever their misgivings may have been, the people I knew who were higher up in my chain of command were very careful to avoid being disrespectful, even tangentially, to our civilian leaders.

I still serve in the National Guard. A few weeks ago, as our old Command Sergeant Major was preparing to retire and the new one was coming in, some of our soldiers posted facebook statuses calling the old CSM unflattering names. Let me tell you, it caused some unholy hellfire to rain down on the soldiers involved and the entire unit for allowing an atmosphere in which that kind of talk could even exist. Disrespecting the chain of command is a cardinal sin in the military, and doing so publicly is unthinkable.

So now Gen. McChrystal is on his way back to Washington to “discuss” what happened with the President. I saw Robert Gibbs’ press conference on the matter earlier this afternoon, and it sure looks like Obama may be looking for a new person to run the war in Afghanistan. It’s too bad, because other than these idiotic remarks which display an incredible lack of judgement and for which there is no excuse, Gen. McChrystal seems like just the sort of guy we want leading our troops. He thinks out of the box, he cares about his soldiers – regularly going on foot patrols and raids with them, attending memorial services, responding to emails from junior enlisted soldiers, and taking the time to explain his strategy even to the lowest-ranking of his subordinates. I don’t know if victory is possible in Afghanistan, or even what “victory” would mean, but we can only hope that the next guy running the show, if Gen. McChrystal is indeed out of a job, brings that same soldiers-first attitude.

Interesting fact – the lyrics to this song were written by Shel Silverstein, children’s poet and author of Where the Sidewalk Ends.

All of the men and women in this commercial believe that they have “made it.”

This would be funny if it weren’t sad. The people in this ad are so earnest. Look at how gleefully the women in the mermaid costumes shake their fins. You just know they’re thinking, “today it’s Optimum Cable, but tomorrow, Michael Bay is going to cast me in Transformers 3!” And the guy rapping the little jingle, you can tell he’s imagined a future for himself that’s a lot bigger than “low-rent freecreditreport.com guy.” The one I really feel sorry for, though, is the man dressed up in some sort of seahorse/lobster costume near the end. I wonder how he justified that to himself? Unless he’s an unusually clean-cut meth addict looking to graduate from blowing guys behind dumpsters, there is no excuse.

The sincerity is impressive, though.

Wow.

This is the “southern lights,” or Aurora Borealis for Australians, as seen from the International Space Station. This is a real photograph. What a beautiful sight.

My ex-girlfriend thought manned space exploration a waste of time and money. I could not disagree more. Our Solar System is 10 light hours from one end to the other. We haven’t explored all of it yet. But our galaxy, the Milky Way, is 100,000 light years across. And the visible universe is estimated at 15,000 million light years from end to end. In other words, we know almost nothing about where we live. It’s like if we were born and raised in one room in some house, and we just never left that room. Maybe everything we need is in that room. Maybe there’s plenty of space for us. But there’s a whole world outside about which we are completely ignorant.

I can’t imagine that anyone would ever advocate living like that. But we’ve seen less than one percent of one percent of the universe in which we live, and some people think that’s enough. Who knows what might be waiting for us to discover?

“I mean, it was more than pretty.”

So Terrorist was awful, but it was perhaps the only failure in the otherwise brilliant career of John Updike. This is a guy who won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction twice – he’s one of only three authors to have received the fiction award more than once. I liked his Rabbit novels, but to me the best examples of Updike’s genius are in his short stories.

I first read “A&P” when I was in high school, and it has stuck with me ever since. If you’ve never read it, click the link. It won’t take long. This was a writer who knew how to turn a phrase. His sentences have a cadence to them that makes them almost lyrical, but they’re never flowery. In fact, they’re spare. But Updike never fails to capture and convey the essence of the time and place about which he writes.

John Updike died last year of lung cancer, but yesterday the NY Times featured an article about his literary archives. They got a sneak peek at the archives, which are not yet ready to be viewed by the public. It’s a pretty interesting story. Updike had a reputation for getting his work done quickly and with relatively few revisions, but apparently that wasn’t a totally accurate picture. In fact, Updike did crazy amounts of research for his novels and edited them pretty extensively. He even saved a candy bar wrapper described in a scene from Rabbit at Rest. The article says the wrapper was “as lovingly preserved as a pressed autumn leaf.” There were also letter from sports figures explaining basketball, pictures of license plates, and notes on an angioplasty procedure Updike observed as part of his research.

The article is interesting because Updike was interesting, but it’s also an example of how much work is involved in being a worthwhile writer. It’s also fascinating to learn how early Updike developed his vision for where his writing would go. In a letter to his parents when he was just 19 years old, he wrote:

This age needs rather men like Shakespeare, or Milton, or Pope; men who are filled with the strength of their cultures and do not transcend the limits of their age, but, working within the times, bring what is peculiar to the moment to glory.

And for the next half-century, that is exactly what John Updike did. If you haven’t read him recently, take another look. Start with that short story at the top and then maybe check out the Rabbit novels. Just stay away from Terrorist. No one’s perfect.